Charles Curley - Software Engineer, Writer

Helpful Little Paperclip

Lee Gold is a long time science fiction fan, filker, and all-around madcap genius. She has put into words and to music the way many people feel about Microsoft's idea of a great step forward in computing.

Helpful Little Paperclip
by Lee Gold
to the tune of "Little Furry Animals"
Copyright 1998

When you bring up Word from Microsoft, at first it looks quite slick: There are lots of friendly buttons on the toolbars you can click. And when you're feeling boggled and you don't know what to do, There's a Helpful little paperclip that smirks at you. Helpful little paperclip Horrid little paperclip Helpful little paperclip that smirks at you. It is lurking in the Question on the standard toolbar's right. It wriggles and it giggles and it blinks to clear its sight. It may pull out a pencil and start scribbling down its schemes. Yes, that Helpful little paperclip will haunt your dreams. Helpful little paperclip Horrid little paperclip Helpful little paperclip will haunt your dream. It claims it's trying to help you when it pops up with a tip. It claims there's no distraction when it's giving you the lip. But when user meets with user, you may hear them share the pain Of the Helpful little paperclip that rots your brain. Helpful little paperclip Horrid little paperclip Helpful little paperclip that rots your brain. You can shapechange its appearance - from Einstein to the Bard, A bouncing ball or hoverbot - but be upon your guard: You can't get Help without it; the thought is quite absurd 'Cause that Helpful little paperclip's what rules the Word. Helpful little paperclip Horrid little paperclip Hateful little paperclip that rules the Word!